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28 January 2008 @ 06:30 pm
Robin Meets Yoga  
Today, I met yoga. And, today, yoga and I clashed. This is basically written as I am thinking it, so it’s going to be all over the place.
I don't know how I have gone so long without trying yoga once. I've done Pilates, tae bo, kickboxing, and aerobics. But, no yoga. 

So, today, I'm in Target looking for Pilates tape (or DVD since this isn't 1989), and I really didn't see anything I liked. Then, I spot the yoga section. What's the difference between yoga and Pilates? The girls on the cover look like they are doing the exact same thing. So, I grab the Yoga for Weight Loss DVD. Bingo! This is exactly what I need. And, I can so do yoga. I'm pretty flexible. In fact, my Pilates instructor called me freakishly flexible. I felt pretty good about myself in the store. I can so do this. 

Then, I spot the yoga accessories. Yoga mats, yoga mat bags, yoga bricks, etc etc etc. I don't need the yoga mat. I have a rug, that'll work. Which means, I don't need the yoga mat bag. And, frankly, I have never seen anyone in a movie yoga class using the little yoga bricks. Basically, I only have to buy the DVD. I’m good to go.
I get home after class, change into some shorts, and pop in the DVD in the living room. I straighten the rug on the tile floor (because the fact that my floor is tile is important later on) and take a seat.
Cue corny new age mystical music.
I roll my eyes.
The DVD menu pops up, and I pick the 30 minute quick start yoga, thinking I’ll run on the elliptical a bit afterward. The instructor lady starts talking. I zone out. Hopefully I didn’t miss anything important. She says something about your yoga experience being like the dawn.
I snicker.
Then, the actual yoga parts stuff. Looks like she’s in Hawaii. Pretty. She’s sitting on her knees. I sit on my knees. She closes her eyes. I close my eyes. Not bad at all.
My knees start hurting. The instructor is droning on about clearing all thoughts and breathing. All I can think about is how my knees hurt. And, I’m bored. How long do I have to sit like this?
The perky yoga chick moves into the next position and pulls out, yep you guessed it, a yoga brick. A freakin’ yoga brick. I pick up the DVD case. There’s nothing on the case about getting a brick. Crap, now she’s in another position. Another position involving the brick. I mean, I am perfectly capable of doing this without a brick, but am I missing out on the whole experience here?
She’s stands. I stand. More stretching. She’s telling me to breathe. I breathe. But, I’m inhaling when I’m supposed to be exhaling and exhaling when I’m supposed to be inhaling. Oh, this is bad. This is really bad.
Now she has her legs stretched out to the front and back of her mat. I put mine in the same position on the rug. One problem, the rug is slipping. So now, not only am I supposed to be breathing, clearing mind of all thought, using the brick, elongating my neck, extending my back, stretching my legs, and closing my eyes, I’m now trying to balance so I don’t fall over. And, another problem is that I can’t balance with my eyes clothes. I did ballet for most of my life, I’m used to looking at a spot when I balance. Holy shish-kabob.
Now I really hate this lady in her stupid purple leggings on her stupid blue mat with her stupid blue yoga bricks, next to the stupid ocean, in stupid Hawaii. I really, really hate her.
We start winding down. Thank God. We go back to the sitting position we started in. She tells me to sit on my brick. I yell back that I don’t have a freakin’ brick and maybe you should put that on the DVD case if you want us to have one. She’s closing her eyes and breathing. I actually think I’m starting to get the hang of this breathing thing. She tells me to clear my mind. I’m thinking up dialogue for the VS8 scene I’m working on.
Then, she says to come up with a realistic health goal for the day. And, I just lose it. I don’t know why. I hunch over, totally lose my “sitting” position and laugh. Then, she’s muttering about something putting your hands by your heart. I have tears streaming. Really, this isn’t that funny, but I’m laughing and laughing.
She tells me “namaste” and we’re done. Now, I know namaste is some sort of yoga word, but the only real experience I’ve had with the word is from the DHARMA people on Lost, and frankly, I think the DHARMA people are up to no good. I don’t think I can trust the yoga people now, either.
And, I honestly don’t think I was cut out to do yoga. It’s back to pilates, I guess.
I thank you for your time.
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Tinkly Yoga Music
jenepel: GG Season 8jenepel on January 29th, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)
I’m thinking up dialogue for the VS8 scene I’m working on.

Well at least you have your priorities straight! :)

Oh, and I will ask you questions, I just haven't gotten around to writing them yet...

Edited at 2008-01-29 02:06 am (UTC)
robinpoppins: Gleerobinpoppins on January 29th, 2008 07:39 pm (UTC)
Hee, exactly.

You don't have to write questions for me. I just like to have an excuse to post on here :)
Filo: Lorelai Oooohfilo77 on January 29th, 2008 05:32 am (UTC)
See, this is why you should never leave your computer. You should just sit around all day and play on the internet. And read and write fic. And the internet never makes you sore the next day.

Do you think you'll be sore tomorrow?

I'm crossing yoga off my "maybe I will try that if I get really motivated to lose weight and they are out of the Dancing with the Stars workout" list.

I thank you for the warning about the dangers of yoga.
robinpoppins: Lorelai coffeerobinpoppins on January 29th, 2008 07:47 pm (UTC)
Yes, when will I learn that the computer is my most loyal friend (except when it gave me a heart attack last week because I thought it erased all of my files, including my 30 or so gigs of music and all the VS8 stuff I had written. But, I found it all eventually)? He provides me with TWoP, and fanfiction, and music, and friendship, and he never makes me sore.

Speaking of which, I'm surprisingly not sore today. I was expecting a little bit of soreness, but I woke up this morning and nothing. I think its because I had to cut my elliptical run short. The roomie came home and she was hungry, so we fried up th eggrolls that my nail ladies made me.

The bottom line is that yoga is evil and should be avoided at all costs :)
jewelsvernejewelsverne on January 29th, 2008 03:53 pm (UTC)
That was hysterical! What the hell is a yoga brick, anyway?! And crazy purple leggings woman wants you to sit on said brick? Sounds a little screwy. ;) I've never ventured down the yoga path myself. I'm a pilates girl - all the way.

Let's just be glad you didn't break a leg!
robinpoppins: Lorelai and Roryrobinpoppins on January 29th, 2008 07:57 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I have officially learned my lesson and I'm going back to pilates. We were learning the Thriller dance in my pilates class (you would appreciate this, my pilates instructor wanted to send a tape of us doing it to Ellen), but I got out of the habit of going when I went home for Christmas.

I didn't actually touch the yoga bricks at Target, but they look like mini blocks made of foamy stuff (like the stuff they use to make the steps for aerobics). I think purple leggings chick was taunting me, because she kept looking at me and I swear she was saying ''Haha, I didn't tell you about the yoga bricks on purpose, so I can laugh and feel superior. Look at mr, doing all the stretches perfectly with my yoga bricks, and look at you having to bend all the way to the ground so you can do the stretches. Man, I'm awesome,'' with her eyes. She's evil. I'm convinced.
jewelsvernejewelsverne on January 29th, 2008 10:49 pm (UTC)
Thriller? In your pilates class?? And a tape being sent to Ellen?!! That is like the coolest thing ever!

I do pilates on my own (at home). I have Winsor Pilates on VHS - yes, I said VHS. Someday I might splurge and buy it on DVD. I'm convinced that one day the tape will die. And I'll use that as an excuse to mourn and not excerise.

I always crack up at the people they use in workout videos. Like purple leggings chick. I have Cardio Salsa on VHS - yes, I said VHS, and the girl on there is like a hyper-freakshow woman who has the most annoyingly perky and energetic voice. They're all evil. Every one of them.
robinpoppins: UB: Marcrobinpoppins on January 30th, 2008 12:32 am (UTC)
I think it's the super tight pony tail. It cuts of blood circulation to the brain and makes them all kinds of crazy.